At the end of The Walking Dead. (Possible Spoilers)

I finished the last episode of The Walking Dead last night. So eager was I to see how it ended, that even after an evening out, I downloaded it as soon as I walked in the front door. It was so good it inspired a rare late night gaming session in me. Then it inspired loss of sleep while I turned the whole thing over in my mind and tried to digest all that happened.

The Walking Dead is fiction of the highest order. Less a game, more a graphic novel whose plot and conversations you direct. Things only went downhill. There was never any reason to feel like a zombie slaying badass, like you do in Left4Dead. The Walking Dead never let you forget that the walkers used to be people, and I felt a pang of guilt with each one I bought down. The situation is never anything but dire in the Walking Dead. The oppressive atmosphere hung over every decision I made. And it was never as simple as good or bad. There was only bad or bad. Terrible or terrible. Every decision I made wound up being tempered by wanting to do right by Clementine.

Never before, have I felt so attached or protective over a videogame character. Clementine is a masterstroke. I saw and did monstrous things over the course of those five episodes. I stole food, murdered a man in anger and willingly dropped another to his death. These were my decisions, none of them were foisted upon me by the game. I ignored the alternatives and Lee and I had to live with the consequences. But seeing the look on Clementine’s face, each time she found out about these things really cut deep. You know what you're doing is wrong. Sometimes the things you do are even necessary, but seeing how Clementine reacts to them is really wrenching.

There was room for compassion in this crazy mixed up world. Lee and Kenny bonded, which is to say, Kenny and I bonded. I liked him, and when the time came, I couldn’t let him do a thing that no man should have to. So I shouldered the guilt and did it for him. We had each other’s backs for the whole game and despite disagreeing with him at some points, we were friends right to the end of the game.

The Walking Dead was an emotional rollercoaster. Actually, no, it wasn’t. There are highs and lows on a rollercoaster. The Walking Dead was an emotional cliff. Forever tumbling downwards, with no let up until the episode ended. There were moments of sudden and explosive violence between other characters that were so shocking that at one point I put the controller down and just said holy shit for five minutes while the scene played out. I wanted justice for what happened and did something pretty awful to make sure I got it.

If you have not played episode five, read no further. There are spoilers ahead.

The fifth episode in particular was one emotional low after another.  Seeing Lee slowly killing himself to get to Clementine was heart rending. Saving her did nothing to stop the sink ever downwards, because I knew what had to come next. If I didn’t have a heart of stone, I would have cried at that moment. Seeing Clementine in that state wasn’t part of the plan. All Lee wanted, all I wanted, was to make sure she was safe.

I worry for her future.